Hey. Hey!
Another river?
- I wish that we could build a bigger fire. - Well, we can't!
We're lucky to have this much. They ain't that far behind us.
By sunrise they're gonna catch on to my dumb-ass trick.
There, that ought to warm you up. $320 each.
Not bad, huh?
Now ain't you something.
To tell you the truth, I never figured you's gonna take the money...
tainted and all, like it is.
So you're rich. What are you gonna do with it all?
When we get to the next town, I'm going to send it back.
Well, I'd be careful till then. It's dangerous out here.
Fella could get hisself robbed.
I'll keep out a watch for strangers.
About ready.
Church over. We'd better make tracks.
I figure they know pretty much where we're at.
It ain't gonna take them too long to find us.
Hold still. Hold still, horsie. Be good.
We can't really afford such a late start.
- What the hell are you doing? - I don't ride today.
What're you talking about?
- Today is Saturday. - So?
- I don't ride on Saturday. - Well, I know that. But don't tell me...
- you ain't gonna ride today? - I ain't gonna ride today.
- I asked you not to tell me that! - That's what I'm telling you.
But this ain't no ordinary Saturday!
Why is this Saturday different from all other Saturdays?
'Cause this Saturday, there's a hanging-posse chasing us!
I promise you. Right now, they're doubling back to that stream.
I don't ride on Saturday!
Jesus! You give me the P-doodles!
There ain't no Jews in that posse, you know!
They'd as soon string you up on Saturday as any other day!
They don't give a shit for your holiday, don't you know that?
Goddamned if I'm gonna walk!
I've asked you not to say that.
You stupid, ignorant, son of a bitch!
I ain't waiting around for that posse to find us!
- I'm leaving! - Who's asking you to stay?
Good-bye!
There it is.
I'm gonna show you something.
Look over there.
You know what that is?
Yes.
Well?
When the sun sets.
Know what you are?
You're a real meshigoonu.
Meshuggener.
They're coming. Damn you!
- Come on. - They're coming.
Now?
Not yet!
Now?
Not yet.
Now!
- Now! - Thank God.
Longest damn day of my life!
That tree is a apple tree.
Hot. It's hot.
- Will you quit that! They ain't coming. - How do you know?
'Cause it's been four days. I'm telling you they ain't coming. Now just relax.
What's that?
Them's Indians. Let's go!
Go, horsie!
Let's go! They ain't serving tea, you know, you idiot!
Go, horsie.
Shee-it!
Quick! Go quick, horse! Can't they see that we're friends?
What did they want?
They wanted our horses, our guns, our scalps, our heads.
Jesus, I don't know. They wanted our asses, that's what they wanted.
But, why? What did we do?
They've been shit on by white men so long they don't ask questions no more.
They wasn't painted up for one of your bar matzavahs, I can tell you that.
Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, my God!
- What's the matter? - Oh, my God.
- What's the matter? - Oh, God!
- The Torah... - Wait! Wait, damn it! Wait!
I ain't going with you this time, goddamn it!
- Let go! - That was war paint...
- you stupid ignoramus! - Let go!
- They won't talk, they'll just kill you! - Will you let go?
I ain't going, you son of a bitch!
Who's asking you?
So long, sucker!
Have a nice funeral!
You dumb asshole!
Oh, come on, get me out of this.
Oh, please, please, please.
I'm your friend. I don't wanna die. Please, God...
I never did anything wrong.
How did I get into this?
- Who the hell are you? - Me, rabbi...
Jewish rabbi.
Come from far away across big ocean.
I read much books about Indians.
You don't speak English very well.
He's a holy man, Chief. Speaks to the spirits every morning and every night.
And he's so good and kind and gentle, just a sweetheart of a man.
Why, even when we robbed the bank and the posse was chasing us...
he wouldn't ride on Saturday. No sirree!
'Cause that's his holy day and he didn't wanna make his spirits angry.
- Can he make rain? - Rain, rain?
You should've seen the rain...
I mean buckets of rain coming down day after day.
I didn't know what the hell we were gonna do with all the stuff.
- And if you wanna talk about snow... - Don't talk about snow!
- You came for this? - Yes!
I have read this book.
Did not understand one word.
- What do you call this book? - Torah.
The Torah.
Torah.
Good.
Will you trade your horse for Torah?
- Yes. - Your horse and your boots?
- Yes. - And your clothes?
Yes.
- And everything else you own? - Yes, everything.
- Even your knife? - I have no knife.
No knife!
- You have no knife? - No.
If I give you back Torah...
will you purify your soul through fire?
Yes.
Shit!
If I let you go, may I keep Torah?
No!
Rabbi with no knife, you are a brave man.
And you, who speak to Indians as if to little children...
your heart is big, not as big as your mouth...
Well...
...but you have good feelings inside.
Thanks, Chief, thanks very much.
Thanks.
You should just be healthy, and that's the most important thing.
Now this is a good drink.
Great spirit, send us rain.
Wonderful! Wonderful and nice dancing.
Nice does not make rain. Yes or no, can your God make rain?
- Yes. - But he doesn't.
- That's right. - Why?
- Because that's not his department! - But if he wanted to, he could?
- Yes! - What kind of God do you have?
- Don't say, "my God." He's your God, too! - Don't give him to us...
we have enough troubles with our own gods.
- But there's only one God. - What does he do?
He can do anything!
Then why can't he make rain?
Because he doesn't make rain! He gives us strength when we're suffering.
He gives us compassion when all that we feel is hatred!
He gives us courage when we're searching around...
blindly like little mice in the darkness! But he does not make rain!
Of course, sometimes just like that...
he'll change his mind.
- This is really good fruit. - Watch out for that stuff.
What's the matter with you? I love this fruit.
- It ain't fruit! I'm telling you, watch out. - Eat.
See that?
Good! I don't know what the recipe is, but this is good.
Tell me, what do Jewish people do to express joy?
Just like the Indians, they dance, just like this.
- Show me. - Me? Oh, I'm not a very good dancer.
- Do you feel joy? - Yes, I do, very much.
Then show me, please.
Dance with my people.
Well, I'll take a crack!
No!
I want him to dance with you.
He is going to show you how his people dance.
Well.
Ready on the tommies?
Go!
Everybody dance always with the left foot first.
First we start slow. Then we're gonna do some nice footwork.
That's it. That's good with the hands.
Watch that lady. I think that lady's a Jewish Indian.
Just have a little fun and don't you worry what the neighbors are thinking.
Watch the lamp post.
Try to keep in time with the other boys and girls. That's it.
Just get a message from your feet. They are talking to you all the time.
I'll tell you, if you could move the waist and the hips a little bit...
you'll be very happy with the results. Then walk toward the left...
the left shoulder out.
That's the way we do it in the old country.
And hold on tight. Here we go.
And don't get wet.
Move a little faster, faster. Listen to the beat.
Steady, hold, careful, let you down. Get ready, let's jump.
Now we do a jump, a little bitty jump. That's the way we do it.
Try a little jumping, one, two, three.
And get ready for a trick. Here we go.
Clap your hands, both sides, one, two, three, four.
Clap right. Clap left, one, two, three, four.
Clap right. Clap left. I think you got it now. You got the swing of it.
One, two, three, four, clap right, clap left.
One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four.
Hello.
Am I in the right place?
I hear bells.
Oy vey.
Am I?
Is this?
I'm not...
I think I was a little sick. Wasn't I?
You want to ask me anything?
- He can't, cuz. - Tommy.
- How are you? - Good.
You look a lot better. Boy, you were really out of your head last night.
You had me really worried.
Could you eat a little something?
- Always. - Good. They're waiting breakfast for us.
Leave that Torah here, it'll be safe.
I've had enough trouble with that Torah.
- You're okay, huh? - Yeah.
Oh, good. Boy!
Why didn't you listen to me when I tell you about that stuff?
You think I'm talking to you for my own good, I tell you...
I'm not talking to you for my own health...
What's the point of all my experience, you don't listen to me.
Come on, they're waiting breakfast.
You mean they never say anything, ever?
See, once they take the vow, they stop talking. I mean...
not one word. There's an old man here, Father Joseph...
- he ain't spoken in 45 years. - 45 years?
What... How do they...
What if they're playing cards and they wanna ask their partner something...
what do they do? 45 years?
How can you live that long...
without ever asking a person one question?
Good!
I like this food.
I know not to ask any questions.
Don't worry, I understand.
Do you grow these right...
Sorry, sorry.
I understand, no talking.
It's just that I'm not used to this, you know?
Would you please...
The salt.
Pass the salt, please!
- Thanks. - You're welcome.
You did it, didn't you?
You gave them back the money.
- Yup. - Yup.
Well, that ain't the American way.
What's more, now you ain't got no money. Well, now what you gonna do?
Don't know.
You don't know? Well, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do...
I'm gonna get me a bath, then I'm gonna get drunk...
then I'm gonna catch me a whore with great big tits...
then I'm gonna get drunk again...
then I'm gonna rob that Wells Fargo office and get my money back.
You dumb-ass Jew!
Evening.
We don't allow dancing in the street.
You wanna dance, you go on over to the saloon.
Oh, thanks.
- Evening. - Evening.
Hello.
- Hope you don't mind if I watch. - Stranger in town?
- Welcome to the Red Dog. - I like your piano playing.
Ain't you got the darndest...
You won again, Matt.
No more bets, please.
Hey, what the hell you doing, mister?
Would you hold this for me, please?
Well, I'd...
All right, the wheel waits for no man.
- Come on, Matt. - Place your bets.
- You're on a winning streak. Let's go for it. - Place your bets.
Let's go. Come on. Let it ride, all right.
One, red. A winner, he wins again.
I want back my money.
I know you from someplace, don't I?
You must be loco, mister.
I want my $200.
Piss off.
All right, all right.
No more bets, please. That's good there. No more bets.
I can't believe it.
If he's smart, he'll leave right now.
Looks like big trouble.
I don't want to hurt nobody.
I just want my money.
We gonna kill you.
That there is just to get your attention.
Better stay on the floor. Pretend you're hurt.
You ready, Mr. Jones?
Oh, I'm ready.
Now I remember you.
- Are you ready? - Yeah.
Put him on the bar.
He's going to do the beer barrel.
We haven't done that one in a couple of months.
Now, come on now, don't mess up his funny beard.
He'll break the bucko's face.
Don't break the bar.
I hope he's got enough money to pay for this.
Nobody move.
You...
put $200 on the bar.
You know where the next one's going.
Yes, sir.
And you...
- how much you got? - $82.
Get it up there.
Put the barrel down now.
Now...
the three of you...
go away.
Leave the rest.
Yes, sir.
You're a rich man.
I got your $200 back.
Your friends just left.
Well, in that case...
let's go out and have a little fun.
I'm game.
Well, cuz, we made it.
See, it's just like I told you...
right at that big tree...
then left for a couple days, sharp right...
and then as straight as piss till you come to the ocean.
Who would've dreamed it could be so simple.
Yeah.
If you don't know me next time you see me...
I'm gonna kick your ass all the way back to Poland.
Why wouldn't I know you?
- You going away someplace? - Well, yeah.
This is where we say goodbye, Avram.
What do you mean?
Well, you follow that beach for a day and a half, you'll be in San Francisco.
You don't need me no more.
- Where are you going? - I'm going that way.
Sutter's Mill.
That's where the gold is.
But I don't want you to go.
- Well, I got to go. - Why?
Well, I got people to see...
banks to rob, you know, I...
got to make a living.
Who's going to be the best man at my wedding?
Well, what do you mean? That's for one of your Jewish friends.
You got to pick your best friend for that.
You...
You are my best friend.
I'm your best friend?
You're my only friend.
Now listen to me, cuz...
you keep your eyes on this tokhes...
and don't you take them off till we get to San Francisco!
I never had a best friend.
I got a bank robber, a bank robber...
you think a bank robber is stronger than God?
I'm a rabbi! I can beat any bank robber!
Swimming lesson's over.
Look at them. Mermaids out of the ocean. Caught with their pants off.
It's time for a little comeuppance, boys!
Damn you, horse!
Whoa! Whoa, now!
He's out of bullets!
He dropped the gun! Get the gun! Shoot him!
There, right there, look! It's in the sand!
Don't let him grab the other gun!
Shoot him! He's gonna kill us! Shoot him!
Shoot him, Avram!
He's going for the other gun!
Shoot him for Christ's sake! Shoot him!
Help me!
He's gonna kill us, shoot him!
Shoot him, Avram! Shoot him!
Don't you understand! He's going for the other gun!
Don't let him grab that gun! Don't let him grab the other gun!
There, see right there!
Look, it's in the sand!
Shoot him, Avram! Shoot him!
It only looks bad, cuz. I've been hurt worse before.
Give me the whiskey.
Get the saddle bags.
I'll show you how to fix me up.
All right?
You never killed a man before, huh?
Get me the saddlebag!
Now go to sleep.
You're still acting kind of funny.
- Are you sure you're all right? - I'm fine. You go to sleep now.
Hey, Rabbi...
you think God sent me to show you the way?
Perhaps.
I must be some kind of angel.
- Well, it's sure a pretty day, ain't it? - Yes.
It's a beautiful day.
Howdy.
Hello.
Howdy.
Howdy. How do... Hello there.
Do you want something?
Well, do I want?
No! Well, gol dang it, ma'am, my name is Tommy Lillard...
and I come from the Texas. I come from Texas.
Excuse me, if I gave you a little startle there. I was...
a little startled there for a second.
What do you want?
Well, I came to bring this thing here for...
for Mr. Bender, iffing I got the right house and all.
You do, I'm his daughter.
Yes, I know that. Oh, you're the daughter?
You are the Bender daughter! Oh!
Howdy.
Would you care to come in?
Well, I would like to, but thanks, no, because I got a friend...
waiting at the saloon and...
my other friend, the rabbi, asked me to bring this here to you.
- I mean, bring this to your father. - What is it?
This thing? I don't know. I think it's some kind of Torah.
A Torah?
- Yeah, I think that's what he called it. - So, where is he?
- Who? - The rabbi.
Where is the rabbi? Oh, where is the rabbi, the rabbi.
Well, I don't rightly know, ma'am.
The last time I seen him I was busting my britches in the cathouse.
And, my friend, the rabbi, asked me if I should ever come Frisco way...
would I drop by this house and do him this favor.
Anyway, it was nice to...
make your acquaintance, ma'am.
I'd...
Is something wrong?
No, no.
It's just I didn't know that your eyes would be so brown.
How would you know that?
How would I know that?
How would I know that? That's right. How could I know that?
I couldn't know that. Well...
I'd better get going.
I hate to keep my sidewinder waiting.
So, I'll just give you that to give to your father.
Oh, wait. Papa!
Oh, no, no, don't call the papa!
I'd really better get my ass out of here. So, thanks.
- And adios for everything. - Wait.
Wait, please. Papa! Wait!
Wait!
Papa?
You ain't gonna eat none of this?
I don't understand you, man.
If you don't eat, you're gonna sure lose your strength.
This a good piece of meat. You ought to have something.
Got to eat something. Thank you.
Gracias.
Now look, you go up and change. And then we'll go together...
and we'll tell your people that the new rabbi has arrived. All right?
I told you that I can't be a rabbi.
Don't you tell me that! Just don't say that again!
Not after what I've been through to get your goddamn ass here alive!
If you hadn't shot that man, we'd both be dead!
Do you understand that, you ignorant asshole?
You do understand that?
He was gonna kill you, then he was gonna kill me. Am I right?
When you shot that son of a bitch, that was not a sin!
Then what the hell are we talking about?
When those men were shooting at you...
I ran to save the Torah.
So? I understand that.
- You're a man of God. I understand that. - I wasn't thinking about God.
I didn't do it because of God. I don't know one thing about God.
I was thinking about a book.
I cared more for a book than I did for my best friend.
I don't know if you can understand that.
I don't want to insult you, but do you understand what I mean?
I chose a piece of paper, instead of you.
But I forgive you.
I know that you do.
But you're a good man.
I am a good man. I am. But I'm not a rabbi.
You don't say that!
- Tommy, I'm not a rabbi. - Don't say that!
You are a rabbi.
I'm a bank robber. I'm a card player and a whore-monger.
That's what I am.
You are a rabbi.
You can fall in the mud, you can slip on your ass...
you can travel in the wrong direction.
But even on your ass, even in the mud...
even if you go in the wrong direction for a little while, you're still a rabbi!
That's what you are!
Right?
If I'm who I am, how come you ain't what you are?
You're just too goddamn good to have the same rules.
Now you answer me.
You look me in the eye and you answer me.
Don't you dare sit there and not answer me!
You'd better have an answer for me!
Is this the place?
This doesn't look like a place that a rabbi...
Maybe Rosalie made a mistake.
We don't belong in here. Come, Benjamin.
Look at those funny-looking people.
Those dresses look like they came from Europe.
What's he talkin' about? What's he talkin' about?
He wants to know if you're the rabbi.
Me?
You tell 'em.
I'm the rabbi.
You're the rabbi?
Funny, you don't look like a rabbi.
I just traveled 3,000 miles across this country...
and I was thanking my best friend for getting me here alive!
My name is Avram Belinski...
and I come from a small village in Poland...
and don't you judge people by their appearance!
- We have a rabbi! - We have a rabbi!
Excuse me, Rabbi, please forgive me.
I am very, very happy to see you.
- Let's have a drink, for God's sake. - Wait a minute. Wait a minute!
Wait a minute!
Who's paying?
Take from the building fund. Everybody to the bar!
Pardon me, everybody, please, please make a little room here.
Thank you. I'm so sorry to spoil your...
Bartender, drinks for all my friends.
- Well, what'll you have? - Straight whiskey!
Whiskey for everybody!
Rabbi, this is Mrs. Bender.
Welcome. Welcome, Rabbi.
And, this is my younger daughter, Rosalie.
I know that in our marriage agreement...
I mentioned my other daughter, Sarah Mindl.
- But what difference does it make... - Papa!
You know, your father thinks that...
you can just switch one promised-wife for another promised-wife...
but I know that it isn't that way in America.
So, please don't feel...
obligated in that way.
Wouldn't you like to dance with me?
I would. I would love to dance with you.
But, you know, a rabbi shouldn't do that.
A rabbi can dance with his fiancée, can't he?
Bartender!
Yes.
You get out here!
Yes.
Now, you listen good!
That man killed my brother.
Me and him gonna have a fair fight.
There ain't gonna be no advantage taken here.
We're going outside.
Bartender, I just want it down for the record...
this gonna be a fair fight.
Rabbi.
Rabbi, let's go.
No more killing.
Oh, yes.
Please, don't do this.
It'd be terrible if some innocent people in here got hurt, wouldn't it?
Huh, Rabbi?
Is what he says true?
Is it?
All right, get outside, both of you.
Go somewhere else.
Rabbi...
you got a gun?
Well, there you go.
Well, don't worry.
You know this gun.
This is the one you used to kill my brother Darryl with.
There gonna be no advantage taken here.
There.
Just like a man.
Make your move!
Well, don't just stare at me!
You ain't gonna get away with it like that!
Draw, you stinking coward!
You yellow bastard! Draw!
You draw or I'm gonna bash your head in!
That was just to get your attention!
Now listen to me!
The war is over!
You understand that?
No more killing!
You reach for that pistol again and I'll blow your head off!
This ain't your fight!
This is my fight!
But he killed my brother, and I'm gonna kill him!
You and your partner and your pig-faced brother...
ambushed us on the beach...
and if the rabbi hadn't pulled the trigger...
you'd have shot us both in cold blood!
Reach for it! Please!
Wait a second.
Now wait a second.
Let's talk this over.
I'm not a rabbi for nothing, you know.
I think I have a solution.
Just wait a second.
This is a very big country.
I'll tell you what I think is the best thing.
I'll take San Francisco...
you take the rest of America...
and if you ever come back to this place again...
I don't think you're gonna get off so easy.
Now get the hell outta here.
Would somebody please show this poor asshole the way out of town?
Mazel tov!
I've crossed rivers and I've climbed high mountains...
and I was captured by wonderful Indians.
I did so many things.
God has truly blessed me.
And what's more...
how many rabbis can say that they had a bank robber for a best man?
Mazel tov!
Music, Maestro, please!